When I started this section I swore I wouldn't include any of the run-of-the-mill, tired e-mail jokes I get that bash men and, occasionally, bash women. It seemed too easy to just post a bunch of women-bashing jokes and let it go at that. However, some of them are too good to let them slide into the bit bucket, if only because they contain some grain of truth about what it's like to be a man confronting women. Here, then, is my very selective list of jokes I've been sent that somehow ring true to me.
Pleasing Women
I've tried all my life to please women, only to find that the harder I try to please them, the less pleased they are with my efforts. In fairness, this probably isn't an exclusively female attribute. Most likely, the harder women try to please men the less pleased men are with them... I've run across that, too. However, it seems that these days men are the only ones trying to please, and the response they're met with from the women is neatly summed up by the following:
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
What I liked most about that one was that it contained two truths about women: first, there's no pleasing them, and second, women do choose men based on looks. As much as women rationalize, explain, and dance around their reasons for choosing mates, simple observation reveals that looks have a lot to do with it. Women, as a group, try to sell society on the idea that they can see below the surface, that they choose men based on personality, and that women are kind, gentle, and understanding. The women's reaction to the first floor men, who were "short and plain" was anything but kind, gentle, and understanding, and had nothing to do with personality. Although this is only a joke, it jives perfectly with my experience: women don't go out with short, plain men. They prefer tall, handsome men. (For those who think that this is just sour grapes, I think they would have stuck me on the third floor. I wouldn't fit on the first.)
